......if you are, then do something about it so our kids/tots/you can run around freely without the danger of stepping on or even eating it!

Call the hygiene department (24-hour Hotline 2868 0000) and get them to clean it up, or if you think dog owners would be willing to do their civic duty, then put the onus on them.

This is their website: http://www.fehd.gov.hk/comments/contact_us.html the hygiene dept., not the dog owners.

Thanks.

Every day my sidewalk has at least two fresh dog turds. For some reason they love to do it right in the middle of the sidewalk so you're sure to step in it after dark. It's always the same dogs. A few asshole dog owners give the great majority of responsible dog owners a bad name.

I'm thinking of posting the pictures of the constant offenders here (the dogs) so everyone can find out who the irresponsible dog owners are if they are interested. Would lamma-gung allow that?

I don't see why the Hygiene Dept should be responsible for cleaning this up, though I do appreciate the fantastic work their workers do keeping our pavements clean. These few anti-social dog owners need to be exposed, fined, and made to clean the soles of my turd-coated shoes with their tongues.

One of my pet hates is the obsession some people have with caging animals, canines in particular. Incarcerated in tiny flats day in day out whilst ceremoniously let loose once a day, ostensibly for a walk and obviously for their ablutions. What is the reason for this?

My theory is that some people are lonely and some think they are kind, saving the dog from a worse fate. Some think they are fat and use their dog for an excuse to get lean and mean. Its been mooted that singles who can’t employ dating services on the internet or solicit dates in a bar, employ evening strolls hoping to facilitate nerve wracking stumbling introductions to the opposite sex with feeble refrains like, ‘Hi, what breed of dog is he?’ or rely on the carnal unabashed lasciviousness of their best mate to transpose an untactful mimicry of sorts, to illustrate what one dog owner really lusts to do to the other. Lastly, I am horrified to admit, as we all know, or should know, that there are ‘naught stranger than folk’. What strange twisted proclivities some people vent on their animals. This last reason for owning a dog or cat I will leave to your imagination.

Believe it or not I have a fondness for dogs. Some make good companions and are lovable, others have practical uses Astoundingly, is the misguided belief some people have that cooping these animals up all day and taking them for a walk or two is not tantamount to animal cruelty. Of course they are ‘bloody happy’ when you take them for a walk after being caged for eight or more hours a day. Would not you be? How can a dog enjoy an hour visitation outside whist being frustrated on a leather leash, asphyxiating at a slow bipedal canter. You need not have ten percent of Einstein’s cerebellum to work out that you cannot train a dog to shit appropriately at a designated time at a certain place.

I think it was Karl Marx who once opined that Christianity was the opium of the masses. It seems that Lamma Island dogs are the opium for many. Surely, if your predisposition urges proselytising animal welfare might you not deduct or infer the sense of my sophistry. Dogs should be able to run free on large tracts of ground. (Now I sound like a dog hugger) Hong Kong and its environs are the last place canines should be. Any other argument is rather scatological.

I had to smirk at someone’s fecund sense of humour when chancing upon a corn cracker jocularly positioned smack dab in the middle of a mound of dog excreta on the path to the ferry. ‘French onion dip, anyone?’ Colour and viscosity I leave to your imagination, suffice to say that in this summers heat it was about to make rapid progress downhill. Has anyone ever noticed in the canine ablution sand pits (that are similarly raked like Japanese gardens), brown sienna dog poo? I do not think I have ever seen one.

Walking around Lamma can be hazardous. It’s like tiptoeing through well, …. dogshit. I have greater fear of having to fumigate my shoes than of avoiding venomous snakes. Ever tried to pick and scrub off the ridges of your Gucci shoes, reprocessed dog food on the way to work. People stare at you strangely as you act like a 1930’s Hollywood Afro/American shuffling out a tap dance with one leg. You wonder some days why people studiously avoid you or wrinkle their noses at you like Samantha in Bewitched. But jokes aside it is also unhygienic.

Typhoid is spread mainly by flies. Flies relish a promanade in faeces. They think its suave. Intrepid tourists, albeit with bad taste, the order Diptera love to squelch about in their favoured type of ‘mud’ for a few minutes then fly and settle on your kids lunch. Thus, spreading among other bacteria, typhoid. So wash all your food in purchased water – or if you think that’s too expensive, cleanse them in the town water. And invest heavily in flyscreens. But back to man’s best friend.

Walking my two year old one day, minding our own business, we passed a house when not two feet from us came a terrifying onslaught of ferocious barking and snarling followed by the oft quoted gnashing of teeth. I nearly jumped out of my skin and my son started crying. Much to my chagrin he has since mimicked an expletive I used on that occasion. Thank the gods there was a fence and those dogs were not loose. Having a child mauled by a dog or dogs would not be compensated by the elimination of the animal. If you have a dog, make sure it is most safely secured from doing harm. Or better still don’t cage up dogs at all – get a life!

I guess the point of all this is, don’t cage up animals. This would improve quality of life for humans and would not incur cruelty on animals. If you want a lifestyle with animals, move to a farm in New Zealand or the plains of Texas. Its ridiculous to argue that Lamma is a place for domesticated animals. Besides, environmental purists have to concur with me here. Dogs and cats ruin the natural flora and fauna of the island. It amazes me why people need animals, more a matter of selfish want – get a pet rock. Is it not enough that we have viral epidemics found nowhere else in the world, horrific pollution, over population as well as animal cruelty.
I guess in the end its just one of my pet hates.

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Age. Fac ut gaudeam

My pet peeve, as it were, are the all night Bark Festivals which come and go with the waxing and waning of the moon.

I think it is Dog Internet. A mutt, from its patio propounds a thesis. Another dog responds under the shimmering moon with the antithesis. A third dog reconciles the thesis and antithesis into an aufhebung.

Other mutts chime in with illustrations and irrevelancies.

Other times it is like Question Time in the House of Commons.

A senior dog asks the Prime Minister dog about thus and so, and is it not quite reprehensible that the Right Honourable gentleman has thus far ignored the growing problem of undocumented immigration of cats onto "our" island, our very own Isle of Dogs, given to us of old to have and hold?

Cries of "hear, hear" are then heard from backbenchers while the Speaker cries "order" like Elizabeth "Betty" Boothroyd cried "order" in the 1990s during her tenure, only the "hear hear" emerges as woof, and the "order", as woof kanoof.

However, Prime Minister's Questions are mercifully limited in time, whereas Dog Parliament can like our own Senate run filibuster to the early hours of the morning.

"I am his highness' dog at Kew!
Pray tell me sir, whose dog are you?"

- Alexander Pope

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Publish and be damn'd

Irresponsible dog owners are a nasty bunch. It's because it's like you've just insulted their mother if you ask them to clean up after their dog and, at best, they just shrug their shoulders.

I JUST DON'T GET IT! Why are these people such wily characters sneaking around late at night walking their dogs?

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CLICK TO SEE: http://homepage.mac.com/nickshearman/PhotoAlbum8.html

Judging by the response to this thread no one really gives a toss about the hygiene standrds on this island. Interesting that this subject doesn't spur anyone into an opinion.

Dog owners, you're a lucky lot.

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CLICK TO SEE: http://homepage.mac.com/nickshearman/PhotoAlbum8.html

"...no one really gives a toss about the hygiene standrds on this island..."

It might surprise you that the situation now is far better than it was 10-15 years ago thanks to opinions having been expressed from time to time.

The biggest problem is not the owners who take their dogs for a walk, it's the ones who let their dogs run loose all day and night out of control - or supervision when they crap.

You're absolutely right about that.

Actually, you're wrong, there were a few responses but they were sent to Fight Club. In essence someone replied to Spinozas waffling with 'BLAHblahblahBLAH...'for about 6 lines and Casanove quite rightly pointed out that more crap comes out Spinoza's mouth than all the dogs on the island. Odd that that is sent to Fight Club but the other bit where there is a discussion about who is a cunt is left there.

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas

It's not the dog's fault that owners leave them out during the day so it would be better to post pictures of the owners instead. we could start with a picture of that bampot South African woman who is stupid enough to let her dog follow her to the ferry pier before shoo-ing it off when she gets to the turnstiles. Or the owner of Doooooraaaaa who quite happily lets her dog crap in the path while people are walking past her. There was also an old lady trying to get on the ferry the other day but her lab kept on getting on the ferry with her and she just stood there hitting it with her walking stick- eventually making the ferry late as the staff had to deal with it.

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas

Exactly that. It's not the dog's fault the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the dog owner.

Some owners have trained their dogs to shit in the bushes and some are considerate enough to use the dog latrines. That's just brilliant, they're the responsible dog owners.

Lamma has a great community spirit and I think with some effort the shit doesn't have to be a forum talking point or something I drag into my living room every now and again. More importantly it shouldn't have to be mopped up by the cleaning crew from the Hygiene dept. Somehow it has become their job description; 'clean up dog shit left by dog handlers who can't be bothered to clean it up themselves'.

How fuckin' selfish of you lot who can't be arsed to scoop up your mutty turds!

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Last night I had to scrap poo off my shoe and rather bring my shoes into the house I left them outside because they stank so much. Last night it rained heavily so now my shoes are waterlogged and stinking of shit. Thanks.

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CLICK TO SEE: http://homepage.mac.com/nickshearman/PhotoAlbum8.html

I empathise with you.
Perhaps we should all buy chilli powder or pepper and start sprinkling it around our houses. When it is not raining of course.

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Age. Fac ut gaudeam

What does sprinkling chili powder do, keep dog poo at a safe distance?

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CLICK TO SEE: http://homepage.mac.com/nickshearman/PhotoAlbum8.html

It may have three effects.

Firstly, after sniffing up pepper or chilli powder, which the dogs will not like, canines may 'learn' to stay away from certain areas and be less inclined to shit around your house.
Secondly, owners may notice the extreme discomfort of their canines, get severely pissed off and decide to take alternative routes while taking their dogs on their walks.
Thirdly, some dog owners who could not give a 'shit' about hygiene may read this forum and decide to take a little more care.

Look, I get pissed of with seeing mounds of shit covered with flies everywhere and I have seen the effects of typhoid on people. One does not usually see so much shit in urban areas - usually only in underdeveloped countries where typhoid is endemic.
I am only offering a possible solution to "your problem". It may not work. It does not kill the dogs.

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Age. Fac ut gaudeam

Pepper all around sounds like a great idea, on the face of it, but I can't see it taking off as a dog poo deterent. Sacks of the stuff would need to be used.

Maybe the government could start a campaign with attention grabbing official posters instead of those non-descript signs....."Please do not (in posh pommie accent) allow your dog to deposit faeces..." so far that campaign has been a complete fuckin sloppy flop.

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The govt seems to imagine that putting up a poster is effective in changing behaviour. Basically, with no enforcement by uniformed staff, it's just graffiti.

I think the only reason we have less dogshit around now is the fear of $1500 fines (though I'd be surprised if anyone has actually been fined that here, if anything ).

A related matter, at the beach showers last year they taped up a notice saying "NO DOGS". This was ignored, people still cheerfully took their dogs in to wash them. The reaction was to make three or four plastic signs and attach them to the walls. Dogs continued to be bathed, presumably some people complained, so a month or so ago they put up a huge banner, 2 metres long, on the fence next to the showers "NO DOGS ALLOWED". No effect, you're still just as likely to find yourself sharing a shower with a shaggy dog shaking shampoo all over. The LCSD staff do nothing to enforce this rule, and everyone knows it.

Putting up notices in itself just lets the government point to them and say they've "done something" when you complain.

welcome to our beach.
in order to have a nice and safe environment,
you are NOT ALLOWED to play ANY ball games
fly kites
or throw sand or stones to one another.
Also, please do not bring your dogs and your bicycles to this beach.
Thank-you.

They've got the largest and most comprehensive collection of "DO NOT..." barred circle signs I've ever seen, tastefully placed for maximum ugliness.

Once upon a time you used to get sorts of dogs in the Deli Lamma. And they would do all sorts: on the beach, in the shower and everywhere else too. Now we just get three old farts and two nutty Russians. If we put a really big sign up, do you think the dogs will all come back?