I have translated Spinoza's ramblings into Irish brogue for your edification.

Ter young peter (peter young), den ter 'is da, an' den ter 'umanity as a whole i commend yer, young sir, for 'avin' de courage an' grammar ter defend de claims av youth against crabbed age. i meself scon an auld guy, wi' a smeller 'air problem, yet whaen oi catch meself tinkin as oi sometimes chucker, "those young brutes shud be chucked over de side pronto", oi reflect dat dis is as yer say mere jealousy dat yer 'av as far as we nu yisser whole lives ahead av yer, unless de matelots chuk yer over de side an' yer are eaten by sharks or cannibals, loike de katzenjammer kids, max *undt* moritz. an' den oi smile fondly an' tink av de bable text dat der kapitaine shared wi' me, suffer de wee laddies. but den wan av yer young brutes does somethin' dense, an' fierce ter yisser own 'ole, such as pitchin' yerself 'eadlong down de gangway ter de lazarette deck withoyt 'oldin', as sailors chucker, de rail while de ferry tosses on de main, ...an' oi ask meself, as w. clap. fields wus asked, 'oy chucker yer loike laddies, an' answer, as w. clap. fields answered, fried. paradoxically, de dislike av de antics av laddies is not proportional ter wisdom an' ter age, for as far as we nu buddha *gautama* liked ter 'av a mob av laddies aboyt de *ashram* an' is popularly portrayed as a grandfather in china, wi' young laddies crawlin' aboyt 'imself loike centipedes. paradoxically, so'tiz proportional ter de grown-ups' own childishness as yer man nurses a 'ang most assuredly over from last night's pursuit av de elixir av youth in a fashionable boozer while watchin' 'is englan' lose ter argentina. even barl av shoite me america, de bone racists are de white folks who surveyin' de wreckage av their trailer-trash lives in de mornin' after de noight before clap, "in me mind's mince pie, 'oratio", an african-american in de woodpile av their soul. you might nade owl lad ter 'elp yer read dis improvin' text. al' oi ask is dat yer 'owl de railin' whaen yer pitch yerself down de sturs. as oi admonished me own two boys whaen we explored de uss norn carolina rustin' peacefully in de roads "like al' tough sailors chucker dis whaen they're far away at sea". "haul on de bowline, we sang dat melody, loike al' tough sailors chucker whaen they're far away at sea" - bob dylan an', lamma fathers: yer nade ter take boychildren espeshal oyt on improvin' outings on de star ferry whaich shud include a solemn inspecshun av de engines an' squizz at de pilot. yer shud instruct yisser troop not ter step on de ropes. so'tiz most wrong an' brutal cess, sailors 'av towl me, ter step on ropes on a boat, yet people young an' auld chucker dis al' de time on both de star ferry an' de lamma passage. if yisser current bun is prone ter *mal de mer*, yer shud not allow de other laddies ter tease or ter bully 'imself. instead, yer shud recount de 'istory av deadly lord nelson, aboard 'ms victory an' at copenhagen too, who wus prone ter sea-sickness. yer shud omit both de scandalous bits aboyt lady 'amilton an' also dat enigmatic remark, "kiss me 'ardy", as enigmatic as de last words av new jersey mobster English schulze, a fella 'as never wept nor dashed a t'ousan' kim. it is too easy ter trate either passage as more tv. either passage shud instead be approached wi' moral seriousness an' a respect for de 'azards av de passage. but laddies cannot be trusted ter exhibit dis whaen grownups violate de instrucshun, aired in two languages, ter remain seated 'til de ferry 'as completely docked. i nu dat dis is bloody german av me. in fact, oi tink de announcement shud be re-recorded as "unless yer are in gollier 'urry, please remain seated 'til de ferry 'as completely docked: if yer are in a deadly rush, we invite yer ter swim de interval between de ferry an' de dock".

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Perhaps organized singin' wud amuse de laddies an' quell their rowdiness. every schoolchild in 'ong kong is familiar wi' de sysyphean struggles av de itsy bitsy spider, an' oi cud teach de wee monsters neil innes' toon 'untin' tigers oyt in india. de matelots cud teach a chinese 'ymn ter tin 'au. or for sum rayle nerve gas, 'oy aboyt tv? from me own experience wi' me own boys, it wud 'av ter be a continuous loop av chuckie (chuckie, bride av chuckie (chuckie gets lucky) an' spawn av chuckie), an evil toy. of course, a truly civilized lamma ferry wud include chuckie on de tv ter quell de infants in a soundproofed an' locked room, a well-stocked boozer, a dance floor an' a german ban' playin' operetta tunes loike ah rosa von stamboul at top volume.

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Perhaps oi wud loike ter jerk aff forever. 'tis bloody amusin', after al' an' yer canny git a fatal disease. hint: dat juicy wee boozer on de roi is a scroll boozer. if yer move it yer can spin roi past any post wi' complex syntax or obscure references.

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abuse av power cums as naw surprise

Scon are glad ter be mister ward power. wanking: derrida's av grammatology is largely aboyt jerkin' aff, includin' our subconscious opposishun, based on de opposishun av writin' ter speech, av wankin', bein' a langer, jerkin' aff, or bein' a jagaff, al' av whaich are associated wi' de inferior term av writin', ter a sort av vision av self-presence, in whaich yer 'av "proper" shag wi' an adorin' doll in order ter populate de earth wi' people luk jist loike yer. in american Sasanach, we call it jerkin' aff an' a person who is associated wi' it a jagaff. in british Sasanach we call it wankin' an' we call "him" a langer. the amalgam av de two terms sounds loike a marriage av convenience, or a minor german kingdom created from de union av two 'ouses: jagoff-wanker. kronprinz 'einrich av de principality av jagoff-wanker in de bavarian alps fled 'is strict, disciplinary ter de point av bein' minatory, owl lad, wilhelm de bald, who did not understan' de prince's passionate nade for art an' beauty an' tart 'imself a nancy fella (despite de prince's all-too-obvious predelicshun for de fair shag, whaich 'ad placed several dairymaids local ter de capital av jagoff-wanker, 'och zum max undt mortiz burg, in de most embarassin' av predicaments), at last fled through de kingdom av de serbs ter sojourn wi' de raggle-taggle siegourners, gitanes, tzigane, romish an' gypsies in de shadow av bald mountain by de light av de shimmerin' moon. it wus dare de prinz met de queen av de tzigane, rosa von stamboul, who wus actually an american lassy from chippewa falls dat 'ad escaped 'erself from a cat'lik orphanage in milwaukee in whaich she 'ad worked 'er fingers ter de bone for de 'oly sisters. but rosa wus a cruel mistress who 'ad serviced de rites av kali durin' a sojourn in india, yea, who 'ad danced by de light av de moon by de shores av de sea on an islan' aff cathay wi' naw name known ter god-fearin' tren, aye, an' ter windward it were av macao, burn blast me for a marlinspike else, crost de pirate gob av de tiger, aaargh, who, belike, 'ad lured passin' containerships ter their death ter fall upon de spoils an' as a result 'ad far too many ipods than is gran' for paddy or doll ter 'av, who 'ad risen from de sea, decorated wi' skulls an' ipods an', burn me buttocks for a marlinspike, wee else, who wus in france in 1789 an' wus pure depressed by de assassinashun av marat, who rode a tank in de generals rank while de blitzkrieg raged an' de bodies stank, who became lay-ra, whaen fat georgie fella wus kin' av englan', de not de full shillin' female corsair jenny o'day, de terror av de seven seas, who wus captured by jimmy paul jones after a brisk scrap in de bight av benin, who wus loike ter 'ang in baltimore, when kronprinz 'einrich, still in millin' trim, sprang loike a cat or lion into de courtroom an' set 'er free, an' bein' immortals, they nigh own a curio shop in de mall av america an' visit china every year ter buy shrunken 'eads. actually, al' dis is quite derivative, an' oi recommend 'eartily books dat inspired it, includin' almost anythin' by george mcdonald fraser.

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Lewis carroll? readable enoof in 'is own way, but a piker wi' a most unfortunate penchant for wee birds, dat oi chucker not share: me motto is, she looked 18 yer 'onner. edward lear wus de better poet: on de coast av coromandel, wha de early pumpkins blow but de fierce quare "nonsense" language av both can be explained only in reference ter british colonialism, dat is de encounter wi' other languages an' folkways. the jumblies, whose 'eads are green, whose 'ands are blue, who went ter sea in av al' things a seive, transgressed de mores av their community, for "won't they soon be vexed yer know". they encountered, in de context av trade an' not conquest, new peoples includin' de yonghi bonghi bo an' de dong wi' a luminous smeller, who felled in love wi' de jumbly lassy. they were at once, an' barl av shoite a dream, de colonizer an' de colonized even as de first british matelots ter cum ter dees shores came ter buy stuff, sum for their own, others ter resell at markup, an' who felt alienated not only from 'um but also de locals. but not only edward lear, more recently monty python, processed by an american. i scon so'tiz true so 'tis a gran' customer av neck de bookman, an' dr. wedderburn's table, an' dymock's itself.

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abuse av power cums as naw surprise

'ey, mister "ed", mister banger, mister noggin banger, yer can crack in a bottle an' paint it. yer can take yisser gratuitous, context-free an' off-topic anti-americanism as displayed in another thread an' yisser dismay 'ere, an' jump into yung shue wan bay. i scon al' too familiar wi' de resentment, on de part av self-appointed spokes tren, blatherin' 'eads, intellectual 'ard cases, village 'ampdens, mute unsung miltons, autodidacts an' giant, bearded gnums, ter prose, or for dat matter verse, dat demarcates their limitashuns as it were comme une epee. i scon also well aware dat in an epoch as it were av expanded technical apparatus for communicashun, de 'uman spirit might dialectically withdraw. i scon for dis call amused ter fend once again dat de attempt ter articulate dis resentment, whaich finds itself at an 'orizon, at de end av de malibu pier, at de end av its particular tether, compares de expanded literacy av de 'ypertext ter de innocent an' sportive act av jerkin' aff, cos de poster wants, but at de limits av language an' ontology cannot, ter draw a boundary between 'onest, male, missionary posishun, anglo-saxon speech an' woggish if not bookish language whaich fails ter fit in wi' received categories. voilà ce qu'à peu près, mon cher, vous m'auriez dit si vous aviez un peu de lettres et d'esprit mais d'esprit, ô le plus lamentable des êtres, vous n'en eûtes jamais un atum, et de lettres vous n'avez que les trois qui forment le mot : sot !

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abuse av power cums as naw surprise

Furthermore, me contribushuns are related ter de starter topic. trivially, everythin' is related ter everythin' else: but far be it from me ter appayle ter dis, it bein' so logically powerful ter be at de 'igher level av de dialectic, empty an' withoyt power. more substantively, we're blatherin' aboyt sufferin' de wee monsters on de lamma ferry ter disport themselves. structurally, usin' barthes, i'd analyze "adult" behavior on de ferry as usin' a syntax derived from Sasanach behavior on their domestic trains whaich, as oi 'av observed, is phlegmatic. thus wan is ill-advised, whether on de train ter tootin' or on de ferry 'ere on de coral stran', ter greet yisser lads in de jolly american style barl av shoite "how yer doing", for an 'onest answer on any given monday mornin' might be, "my dear fella, oi wud loike ter shoot first yer an' den meself, so don't ask". thus wan suffers one's fella perishers on de ferry ter pass de time phlegmatically starin' oyt de windy, doin' de cross-word puzzle in de international 'erald tribune or de times, or peckin' away at a laptop. but into dis, de laddies burst it appears. wan young brute wan day wus most curious aboyt me laptop an' insisted dat oi show 'imself computer games in a charmin' fashion. oi wus av literally divided mind. wan part av me tart fondly av me own young brutes nigh grown ter manhud. de other part wanted ter chuk de young brute over de side. in a structuralist fashion, de wee monster 'ad made a grammatical error. but oi make de seem whaen oi post untranslated french or a brutal translashun av laforgue. this causes a 'ungover resentment an' a call for boilin' oil. thus me contribushuns are an irritashun, an' meant ter be so, loike de behavior av de kids on de ferry. the expectashun is dat oi shall air de conventional irony: de conventional dismay: de conventional call av de escapist westerner for a warrld dat somehow meets 'is expectashuns, includin' thoughts whaich can be expressed simply. i scon amused ter violate dees expectashuns for de seem call laddies loike ter scream craic words such as bugna.

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abuse av power cums as naw

So skip 'em.

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abuse av power cums as naw surprise

Oi don't use a thesaurus cos dare is naw such tin' as a true so 'tis synonym in de Sasanach language. i scon familiar wi' de way in whaich de bully fella uses a logically negative claim ter cast aspersions withoyt 'avin' ter chucker 'is ecker, as yer chucker wi' de snide reference ter a grammar checker: me president specializes in dis, commencin' wi' 'is reply "fuzzy logic" ter al gore's somewhat complex "lockbox" explanashun av 'oy me patetic scratch might be preserved. in gran', american ways av operatin' are by naw means uniquely american. the phrase "umbrella av me own allusion" is inapposite, for yer mean illusion wha an allusion is a reference, ah mister pot, dat calls de kettle black. i wud certainly prefer de attenshun an' approval av free an' 'appy laddies ter dat av sum dipsomaniacally dyspeptic dork, damnin' de English from behind dysfunctional character armor. an' who's de kip av us? as we say in america, yer an' waaat army? oi wuv it whaen sum troll wi' broadban' in a trailer in east butthole, virginia, claims ter be associated wi' de army av de lord an' likewise assemblages an' confederacies av right-thinkin', squared-away americanos whaen upon investigashun wan finds auld verg, a crazed an' lonely paddy whose mail is limited ter restrainin' orders. the "coral strand" is de stran' from whaich wan can clap live coral. it used ter mean de far-flung shores ter whaich younger sons av younger brothers an' not de full shillin' bishops fled ter, ter manage de british empire. bugna is a craic ward invented by wan av me kids, an' a city in ethiopia.

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Well, dis is me only problem wi' les petites. wan av dem is gonna take a 'eader down de gangway wan av dees days an' split 'is skull open on de deck. however, 'tis me observashun as an american da dat laddies imitate not de people dat adults tink they are but de adults they actually observe, an' 'tis been 'ip an' deadly for sum time ter never obey safety regulashuns on boats. on de cruise ships whaich leaves ocean terminal an' bloody pointlessly bobs raun de south china sea, de gamblers noggin for de tables an' bypass de "required" lifeboat drill. an' we commuters alwus disobey de instrucshun ter remain seated 'til de ferry 'as fully docked. perhaps de announcement shud be changed! unless you're trollied, an' for many av us even den, 'tis easy, once you've ridden dis ship av fools back an' forth ter work for months, ter walk in a seamanlike rollin' gate, loike jack tar, ter de exit while de ferry is roundin' de light. but more generally, westerners consistently teach, less by precept, more by example, dat for every institushun dare are de offishal, written rules, an' de unwritten rules whaich de 'ip an' shrewd discover, bypassin' de recorded announcement except on aircraft, wha de flight attendants are empowered by law ter 'av yer busted if yer defecate on de beverage cart or fail ter place yisser tray table in an upright, locked posishun while smilin' jack lines de plane up wi' de runway. it's a split in de western mind whaich wus noted by de arab philosopher, ibn q'utb, who saw de west consistently preachin' by example dat written (or recorded) rules were jist guidelines, especially for de rich. ibn q'utb's answer wus de q'uran, but more generally yer man wus onto somethin', de division between a disregarded an' subaltern writin', an' an orality prized yet dependent upon writin'. it might be a gran' tin'. but de kidlets observe adults loike me swimmin' in defiance av de red flag at our stran' an' call dat if a deadly guy loike me can chucker it, they nade ter folly in me footsteps. [note: dis doesn't snooker me from swimmin' in defiance av de red flag. 'owever, in chicago, de split 'as produced an eejit rule: except at wan locashun for triathletes, adults 'av ter observe de seem rules as laddies, an' may not go past tree lempsor' av water.] we nade not be germans, waitin' solemnly at de red light whaen naw cars approach. an', ward on de *strasse* is dat modern germans don't chucker dis anymore. but we chucker nade ter recognize an' acknowledge dat de disorderly laddies are imitatin' de grownups who since de 1960s 'enny been able ter provide a call for authority, apart from 'ysterical reversions, in me country, ter a fundamentalist *ersatz* for waaat marx called de idiocy av rural life.

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De chinese tradishun av de written examinashun open ter talents meant, 'owever, dat a respect for de written ward existed in china missin' in de west, wha "it's not waaat yer nu 'tis who yer know".

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Ter "take a 'eader" means ter fall down an' go boom, not ter be pushed, an' naw responsable lamma adult wud t'be sure even tink av trippin' wan av de wee monsters up as said wee monster roars aboyt de upper deck.

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abuse av power cums as naw surprise

Top o' the chuffin' marnin ter yer, alan. the use av examinashuns in de west only began wi' de french deman' in 1789 for de carare open ter talents while de examinashun system wus in place in china by 1000 ad 'avin' been instituted durin' de t'ang an' song dynasties. de song an' t'ang, not de manchu: far from bein' ancient dis dynasty, properly known as q'in' but mislabeled manchu by 'an nationalists in de 1920s, wus de last dynasty, lastin' from 1644 ter 1911. [i failte correcshuns in Sasanach, unfortunately (owin' ter me bonehead lack av knowledge av chinese) from chinese people.] as wi' any 'uman institushun so important ter de success av de participants, it went through cycles av corrupshun. 'owever, if yer were a bonehead who passed de examinashun by way av guan-xi an' bak-sheesh, yisser inability ter shenanagans oyt simple tasks in yisser first post-pass job wus proobably evident in yisser "fist", since wan av de tasks av de exam passer an' civil servant newbie wus ter write. it appears ter me dat chinese people set deadly store by decipherin' a person's character an' intelligence by way av 'is calligraphy, an' me students are alwus breakin' me barguckers over de length av me vertical strokes an' more generally de malformashun av waaat few chinese characters oi 'av learned. in de west, a subterranean contempt for writin' an' de constant endeavor ter either delegate or automate writin' as opposed ter speech, its offloadin' ter scribes, secretaries, gofers, stooges an' dawgs bodies is a tradishun. de result is de low regard dat writin' is 'eld on de internet, a stunnin', if unnoticed paradox in a medium dat is writin' al' de way down (its images an' its sounds are streams av written bits). on de internet, a western cultural artifact among other things, spellin' an' grammar is proudly disregarded by many posters as a mark av virtue an' sum av de finest writin' on de internet (mine, f'rinstance 'ar 'ar) is paradoxically 'eld up ter scorn. that is, complexity av writin' an' texts not easily entered into sms wi' thumbs on a cellphone is targeted for a scorn dat is pathologically consistent in its texture an' collective in nature, poured on de text by avatars av a brutal if in modern society only rumored simplicity ter whaich we are, accordin' ter avatars such as noggin banger, well advised ter return lest we be unmanned, every paddy jack av us, by de *pharmakon* av writin'.

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Great stuff! James Joyce on drugs.

[No, I'm not back. Just popped in for a beer. No pearls today for you swine. From now on I get paid. I enjoyed this translation and will save it.]

[When I swore up and down to Lamma Gung that I would never return, in the literal sense, I lied. But I will provide no new thoughts of my own.]

"Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though. "

- Jack Handy, DEEP THOUGHTS

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Put it to verse and you get William Dunbar

He hath Blind Harrie and Sandy Traill
Slain with his schour of mortal hail
Belike Patrick Johnston micht not flee
TIMOR MORTIS CONTURBAT ME

Sith for the Deid remeid is none
Best is we for Death dispone
After Death that live may wee
TIMOR MORTIS CONTURBAT ME


Oh the hell with it, barkeep, give me another beer with a shot of Jack on the side, and one for my friend here, "Head" Banger.



Yer can crack in a bottle and yer can paint it
Mister Banger yer can take your gratuitous
If not to say super flew us
Free of context and tropical orf
And put it where the sun don't shine
Oh shove it where the shimmering mune
Plays a Sasenach tune
To all the devils in hell.


[The cops, the marine police, and a small unit of the People's Liberation Army arrive to quell the lads. Spinoza is carried out last dead to the world, like Hamlet in the last act. Let the soldiers shoot.]

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Publish and be damn'd